"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." It didn't matter how many times my mother told me to repeat those words when some bully was making my life miserable. They didn't work then and they don't work now. Because words hurt.
Other parents aren't so lucky. For the families of Asher Brown, Tyler Clementi, and Seth Walsh, this school year will not be marked by car pools, report cards, school plays, homecoming games, parent-teacher conferences, or tuition bills. As most of you know by now, these three bright young lives tragically ended in suicide in the past week as a result of bullying at the hands of their "peers." Their crime? Simply being what God made them. Gay.
There were bullies when I went to high school. There were also gay kids, nerds, and kids who just didn't fit in. I've been asking myself why my school didn't have a rash of suicides. I mean really, it was the 80s - even the most well adjusted kid would have considered the big sleep after listening to the Smiths' Hatful of Hollow and The Cure's Pornography a few hundred times.
Maybe it was my generation's faith in our savior, John Hughes, that kept us sane. In movies like Some Kind of Wonderful, Sixteen Candles, and Pretty in Pink he made us believe that it would all be ok. The the social outcast would end up with the popular girl or boy. [side note: Am I the only one who thought that Molly Ringwald was definitely NOT pretty in pink? That dress was hideous!] And in the Breakfast Club he even made us believe, if only for a few minutes, that we could transcend our prejudices and stereotypes and that things would get better.
But things don't get better, do they? Bullies still rule the hallways of our nations' schools. And when those bullies grow up, they go on to get their own radio talk shows. Their hatred and bigotry are cloaked in religion, patriotism, and free speech. It's ok to hate gays because the bible says that homosexuality is a sin. It's ok to hate Muslims because they are out to destroy our country. And it's ok to bully a kid to his death because we all have the right to free speech. Yeah right - free speech. Free for whom? The free speech of a few bigoted, hateful teens cost Asher Brown, Tyler Clementi, and Seth Walsh their lives.
Free speech has become the bully's get-out-of-jail-free card. After all, the Constitution give us all the right to say what we feel, right? Yes it does. But words matter and we should be held accountable for what we say.
For those of us who have children, it is up to us to set the example. Kids aren't born bullies. Bullies are made. Listen to yourself when you start talking politics and religion. How could our words and actions be interpreted by young and impressionable minds? Do we reach out to the quirky kids in our neighborhood? The kids who don't fit in? Do we tell our kid that it's not ok to tease the kid who can't run as fast or hit a baseball, who wears funny clothes, or who is just "weird"? Do we stand up and speak out when we see hatred and injustice in society? If we don't how will our children learn to?
For those of us who have children, it is up to us to set the example. Kids aren't born bullies. Bullies are made. Listen to yourself when you start talking politics and religion. How could our words and actions be interpreted by young and impressionable minds? Do we reach out to the quirky kids in our neighborhood? The kids who don't fit in? Do we tell our kid that it's not ok to tease the kid who can't run as fast or hit a baseball, who wears funny clothes, or who is just "weird"? Do we stand up and speak out when we see hatred and injustice in society? If we don't how will our children learn to?
I wish I could tell all the kids out there who are suffering that it gets better - that the geek will find true love and that the bully gets what's coming to him and the mean girl gets hers. But it doesn't always work out that way.
There is hope though. Some people are using their right to free speech to reach out and make things better. Columnist Dan Savage and his husband have started the It Gets Better Project. They and other adults have videotaped messages of hope to kids who are being tormented by bullies.
On their website www.godlovespoetry.com Kevin Cobb and Andres Almeida are taking the hate filled vitriol of the Westboro Baptist Church's website www.godhatesfags.com and turning it into beautiful poetry as a reminder that even in midst of hate and anger, we can find beauty, acceptance, and understanding.
I leave you tonight with a poem from Cobb and Almeida's website.
I leave you tonight with a poem from Cobb and Almeida's website.
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